The Examination

I hate doctor's appointments. I don't hate the appointments themselves, nor do I hate the doctor, but whenever I have to have one, it is always the most unsatisfactory feeling. I'm a practical girl. I like straight answers. But everytime one goes to their doctor, for whatever reason, it seems like the person who is supposed to be the medical expert, pulls answers from the proverbial hat.

"Doctor, I have a problem with [insert ailment here]."

The doctor will then go on to list a range of possible causes, and then waits for you to nod your head at the list. Whether or not any of those listed items strikes a chord with you, the doctor then will either a) send you on some tests; or b) give you drugs; and sometimes c) both. Doesn't this feel a little like guessing to you? I might not be an expert in modern medicine, but no wonder people get misdiagnosed and/or over-medicated. A little frustrating I'm sure for both patient and medical professional.

Anyhow, I had a "fun" visit with my (gentlemen brace yourselves) gynecologist the other day. And it occurred to me just how odd a profession it must be. The whole time I was remembering that "Friends" episode where Rachel had a crush on a cute gynecologist. Turns out that the cute doctor felt he had seen one-too-many [insert euphemism here] that it had an impact on his sex life. The reaction on Rachel's face was classic. I wonder if this is an actual "occupational hazard"?

Well, either way, I'm sure it doesn't affect my gynecologist since she's a she. Actually, during the examination I couldn't help but notice that she's looks an awful lot like Lucy Liu, freckles and all. (Yes, I'm sure all my straight male friends are fantasizing about this right about now.) As part of my routine exam, she sent me on some blood tests and an ultrasound. Let me tell you that being forced to drink 6 glasses of water, and then get pushed and prodded during a pelvic ultrasound is not the best feeling! Before we started, the technician asked me "Do you have to pee?" I said "yes". She said "Good! Come on in!" It was very bizarre. I tried not to think of anything water or liquid-related the entire time. The noises coming from my tummy reminded me of my childhood playing on other people's waterbeds just before we accidentally popped a leak. Thank God for going to the gym and working on my pelvic muscles or else the technician would have had to call in the janitorial staff.

Anyhow, I get home and I get this message from the doctor's office saying "Hi. It's the doctor's office. Could you please call? It's not urgent." I HATE those messages. It's the equivalent of getting a message from your girlfriend who never calls unless something is up and she says "um.. could you call me back? don't worry... i'll tell you about it later". Of course you're going to worry! Whenever people tell you not to freak out..... you get more freaked out! I'm sure everything is fine. I wonder what kind of message they leave when it IS urgent? I'm curious, but I'm glad I don't have to find out anytime soon. I just hate getting those kinds of calls.