The Melodramatic Mommy and Absentee Father

I partly blame myself.

Up until recently, I never put my foot down with my folks. Whenever I wanted to assert my individuality, I would do so with excuses. If I didn't want to do something, I would give a long list of why I didn't, usually composed of extravagant yet believable lies. It's as if the sheer fact of my not wanting something wasn't good enough. I had to explain myself.

Anyhow, I have paid my emotional rent throughout the years by going to church with my parents. It's the one thing that made them happy, and I could point to it if I ever got caught on other issues.

"Sure. I'm a fornicator, but at least I went to church and confessed it! Oh, and that incident involving lying, cheating, and stealing? At least I'm not a heathen!"

Since I've started to live my life more honestly and directly, I decided that enough was enough.

Early Sunday morning, my mother came into my room to tell me to get ready for mass. I just looked at her plainly.

Reese: You go ahead. I'm not coming.
Mom: What? What do you mean you are not coming?
Reese: I mean, I'm not going to church. (pause) At all today.
Mom: Why? Why not? Why aren't you going to church?
Reese: Because I don't want to. That's what I decided.
Mom: (quietly holding back her anger) Reza, do you believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins? Do you believe that he sacrificed himself for you?
Reese: Yes. Of course.
Mom: (dramatically, with tears) Well, what you are doing is like crucifying Jesus on the cross all over again!
Reese: (plaintively) Hmm. I am? I just thought I wasn't going to church.
Mom: Reza... I am going to write you a very, very long letter!

Mom slammed bedroom door and exited stage left in a huff.

I love how my "coming out" has turned into my mother's issue. My tactic is to try and be as logical, calm and honest as possible. I think it's working.

One of the upsides to this whole experience (other than the ability to live truthfully) is that I'm gaining a newfound appreciation for my father. He and I have never been very close. He could almost be considered an "absentee" father, except for the fact that he never left the house. He just was emotionally unavailable. I mean, all we talk about is my mother, my brother, and food. Cannot forget the food!

Now, I have no clue what may be brewing inside my father's head, but he's been very calm outwardly to the whole thing. It's seems that in moments where my mother is flying off the handle (which never used to happen), my father has stepped up and speaks quietly, holding her. My parents NEVER hold each other. I always wondered why my parents ever married each other since they seem so opposite and antagonistic, but in these moments, I now know. My father used to be the cause of my mother's daily frustrations. Now, that she's in spiritual and emotional pain, he is there holding her hand, and walking her through it. I am astounded.

I wish I knew my father. Maybe now, I can start.