The Cynosure

For someone who is already a bit paranoid about what others think, this time of my life is challenging me to change my perspective. Now that I'm out, I have felt so free and happy about being open about my relationship with FoxyLady. The funny thing about freedom is, once you get a taste, it's hard to go back to hiding.

Whenever we're out together doing something as simple as holding hands, we've received some pretty ignorant comments and looks. We have become the cynosure of the moment, the story that others tell to their buddies around the water cooler the next day, the subject matter to discuss even though we remain within earshot of the conversation. We are the topic of debate, and not "just another couple".

The other day we were holding hands on the subway, and some guy muttered to his friends, "Look at those two lesbians. What a fucking joke." This angered FoxyLady so much that she wanted to start a confrontation. I, on the other hand, subscribed to quietly looking down, and walking away quickly. I'm not sure if this makes me a coward and her a hero, but knowing how people can be, I didn't want to put us into a more dangerous situation. However, on the inside, I was boiling over with fury. I didn't know what to do with the unspent emotions.

Again, last night, we were out with friends at a straight club and once more we were the focal point of many comments and stares. Drunken men would hoot at us, and look at us with lustful gazes. I suppose that some people would be flattered by the attention, but I could sense the impending danger in those inebriated looks. What if they followed us to our car? What would we do then?

All I wanted to do was hold my girlfriend's hand.

I've never been the victim of a hate crime, but I fear it is still possible. How do I traverse the narrow line of fearlessly living my life, and being cautious? I don't want to hide, and yet, I must.

How can this be the same society that loves "Will and Grace", Ellen Degeneres, and "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"? Why is it more acceptable to have your gayness in an innocuous venue like television? Would you like your homosexuals sterilized for your mass-consumption? Are we easier to digest when put behind a glass wall?

Just when you think you've found acceptance, you always manage to find ignorance lurking about.