The Lull

Closure conversations are tricky aren't they, especially when they are really just a way to keep in contact with your ex.

My ex and I have been having several "closure" phone calls since the breakup of over a month ago. Not so much because I had initiated it, but because she did. Anyway, after trying to maintain a sense of civility and friendship... after several painful and hurtful conversations, we both decided that it was futile.

So last week was the last time we'd spoke. She promised she'd stop calling. I agreed to do the same.

She still tries to call me, and I don't pickup. She's left at least one message saying she misses me. I figure with time she'll stop trying. I hope in time we'll gain enough distance from the pain that we'll be able to seriously reflect on whether friendship is in the cards for us. In the meantime I've begun to resurrect the old Reese. It feels good to be back in control of my life again. It feels good not having to worry about someone else's mood or preferences when I make decisions about what I do, and when I do it.

I still feel lonely from time to time. In those moments, I hug myself, read my old diaries, look at all the things that make my life great and remind myself that girlfriend or not, my life is rich and fulfilling. May the journey continue!

P.S. I know you read my blog. You promised me space. Please, just let us both heal. Let's not taint it anymore than it already has been.