The Year I Turn 30

Today I am 30 years old.

I'm highly optimistic about my life... but for some strange reason, am kinda depressed right now.

Tonight I organized my own birthday dinner, and club night, and invited over 80 of my friends, family, co-workers, and acquaintances. I'm a firm believer in having one's world's collide.

Well, since tomorrow is also Mother's Day, many of my friends have cancelled because obviously dear ole Mom is more important than anyone. Most of them just completely forgot.

I also seem to have a several friends who don't live in Toronto, or have left town for vacation, so my timing could not have been worse.

The good news is, about 20+ people have promised to come out tonight, but this list is mostly comprised of recent friendship "acquisitions" and party pals. Unfortunately, this leaves me looking at my guest list and feeling that all my favourite people in the world aren't going to be there. I guess I should be happy that I have people who will celebrate with me, but I guess I'm just down because the people I love dearest are going to be absent. And to further investigate my sadness, I think it's because I fear that I am not really all that special to the ones I love most.

I know I'm probably being ridiculous, but I guess that birthdays tend to make me uber-reflective. I've never really felt alone on a birthday before. It's just weird that on a major milestone like my 30th, I'll feel alone but completely surrounded by people.

Let's hope my mood picks up by tonight, and I'll remember my usual zest for life.