The Return to Therapy

I have pretty wise friends. Regardless whether they've known me for 18 years or 1 year, they all seem to recognize a pattern in me that I often don't like to acknowledge. I'm attracted to people in need. That's not to say that I like needy people only, but the way I was raised, and the kind of person that I am, my heart goes out to those who need love and affection the most. That part I don't think is the unhealthy part. The part that is unhealthy is the fact that I spend more time and energy on my needy relationships, than I do on my healthy ones, even detracting from myself in the process.

This says a lot about me as well. I guess in the past I've needed the immediate gratification of helping someone. Call me raised uber-Catholic, but isn't this the point of why we're here on this planet? Anyhow, a particularly perceptive friend of mine has a nickname for me which doesn't paint this relationship cycle in a very favourable picture.

She calls me "Captain Save-A-Ho".

As rude as it sounds, it's actually kinda funny. But let's just say that the Captain is hopefully in drydock, and on vacation. Instead of focussing on other people, I'm trying to save myself.

So hence, my return to therapy. It was recently suggested to me by my doctor that I may suffer from a particular mood disorder, so in the next several months, I'll find out for sure. I'm also learning to pragmatically sort through my issues, and take responsibility for them. It's a healthy thing. I've been in therapy before... but for much bigger issues. It's nice for a change to learn day to day coping methods and have a safe forum for voicing my feelings and thoughts. I actually feel much more upbeat now. Now if only I'd learn to stop being so hard on myself. :D